Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
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