Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
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