In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Randomize
