I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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