When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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