I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Randomize
