I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
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