theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
