I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
