i just wanna soil my oats bro
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Randomize
