I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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