wrigley field is MILF paradise
Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
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