It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
