Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
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