dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Randomize
