I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
