I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I am available for nakedness
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Randomize
