I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
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