God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
