My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
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