if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Randomize
