Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
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