my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
