Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
