Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
