Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
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