he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
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