This is not my ceiling
Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
