we'll go far in life on tits alone.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Randomize
