drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Randomize
