This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
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