Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
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