But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
