I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
