so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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