Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
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