if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Randomize
