Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
