..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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