The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Randomize
