I'm gonna have a badass scar
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.�
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
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