Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
