if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Randomize
