Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Randomize
