i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Randomize
