try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
