oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Randomize
