She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize
