so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
