No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
I think I have vodka in my lungs
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Randomize
