she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
