Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
