Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
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