so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
