im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Randomize
